i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
