I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
