everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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