It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
