i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
