I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
