Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
