Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
