so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
