You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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