I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
