girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
