Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
