So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize