i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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