Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
