It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
