At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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