She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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