I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
as a side note pls kill me
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