that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize