I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
