I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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