So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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