Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
