Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
