dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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