im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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