She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
