You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And then he peed in my hair
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