Just fell off a train. Bad.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize