Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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