K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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