Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
