You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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