I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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