There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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