Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
