rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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