he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you had me at cake vodka
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
