I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
