Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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