Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
