I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
