And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
