Got a toothbrush?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
