Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
