Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
