it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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