This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
