I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
