Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just pee around me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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