My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize