I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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