Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
