the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
