we have pet lesbian snakes
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
