D3 body, D1 cock
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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