When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im holly from the hills drunk
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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