it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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