I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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