haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
