You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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