No stitches, just platelets and will power
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
