i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
