Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
