bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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