First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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