My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
